Tuesday, August 18, 2009

it's my party.

NOW, NORMALLY I DON'T DO THIS KIND OF THING, BUT SINCE IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, I'LL INDULGE MYSELF A LITTLE BIT. 23 PEARLS OF WISDOM, ONE FOR EVERY YEAR I'VE BEEN ALIVE TODAY.

I'M ABOUT TO SHARE SOME OF MY SECRETS TO A FUNCTIONAL AND ABUNDANTLY HAPPY EXISTENCE.

1. APPRECIATE THE IMPORTANCE OF YOU, AS A PERSON. TAKE A SHOWER. STRAIGHTEN OUT YOUR RUMPLED CLOTHES EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE. IT'S A SCIENTIFIC FACT, THE BETTER YOU LOOK, THE BETTER YOU FEEL.

2. DON'T TAKE THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE FOR GRANTED. WHEN THEY'RE GONE, THAT'S IT. AND WHY WOULDN'T YOU SAVE YOURSELF THE TROUBLE OF WONDERING IF YOU COULD?

3. BOYS- DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EXPECT TO HAVE ANY SEX OF ANY KIND IF YOUR JEANS ARE TIGHTER THAN MINE. SORRY. NO NEGOTIATION.

4. WHEN YOU FIND SOMETHING THAT WORKS FOR YOU, STICK WITH IT. MAYBE THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING ALONG. MAYBE IT'S YOUR "THING."

5. STOP SAYING THINGS LIKE "I KNOW HE'S PROBABLY NOT CHEATING ON ME, BUT IF HE WAS..." THAT MEANS "HE IS CHEATING ON ME AND I KNOW IT BUT I DON'T WANT TO ADMIT IT TO MYSELF." NOT A GOOD LOOK ON ANYONE.

6. IF YOU'RE GOING TO LISTEN TO THE MUSIC IN YOUR CAR LOUD ENOUGH FOR ME TO HEAR IT IN MINE, AT LEAST PLAY SOMETHING WE BOTH KNOW.

7. IF YOU GET THE OPPORTUNITY TO GO SOMEWHERE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN BEFORE, TAKE IT. AN ADVENTURE IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL. JUST THINK ABOUT ALL THE COOL SHIT YOU COULD DISCOVER.

8. IF YOU ARE GOING TO DRIVE A FERRARI, IT SHOULD BE RED. IF YOU HAVE TO WEAR LIPSTICK, IT SHOULD NOT BE RED.

9. NATURAL FLAVORS DOESN'T HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING NATURAL WHEN IT APPEARS ON A FOOD LABEL

10. THE GRASSY KNOLL THEORY IS CORRECT

11.PLANES ARE SAFER THAN CARS

12.YOU CAN JUDGE A PERSON BY THEIR SHOES WITHIN A CERTAIN DEGREE OF ACCURACY.

13. BOYS WHO WEAR EYELINER ARE PUSSIES.

14. GIRLS WHO WEAR TURTLE NECKS ARE TRYING TO HIDE SOMETHING

15. THE FIRST AUNT VIV WAS BETTER

16. POTENTIAL IS ACHIEVED MORE EASILY WITHOUT POINTING OUT THE OBVIOUS

17. SMALL TALK REALLY IS A WASTE OF TIME

18.BIG TALK TAKES A LOT OF WORKING UP TO IF YOU'RE NOT FOND OF PISSING PEOPLE OFF

19. STAY RIGHT, PASS LEFT, THEN GET BACK IN THE FUCKING RIGHT LANE YOU ASSHOLE.

20.ON IN THE HAND BEATS TWO IN THE BUSH, BUT NONE IN THE HAND SUCKS EITHER WAY.

21.BLUE EYES ARE MORE SENSITIVE TO LIGHT

22.FALLING FROM THINGS HURTS MORE AND MORE AS YOU GET OLDER

23.WE NEED TO SPEND LESS TIME ON THE INTERNET AND MORE TIME MAKING LOVE.

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