Sunday, November 29, 2009

I love a good adventure.

Oh, hello my lovelies. Happy Sunday morning!

I've been antsy for the last week, because I've been ill, so I should warn you, this could get kind of...involved. I've spent a lot of time in bed at my parents house with not a living soul to talk to or look at for a staggering majority of the time, so the ranting has built up.

I have a lot to say and no one to say it to. It's kind of a bummer, especially when you're not well.




Living in the country is weird. I mean, the legit country-- where your neighbor's chickens run around in your yard and there are more cows than houses, exponentially. It's great because it allows you to explore. I love a good adventure. It's also nice because of the privacy. There is serenity in it. I've lived in apartments and houses in cities and towns. I lived in houses in neighborhoods, but this one (my childhood home) has the best view of the sky, to date. I can see millions of stars standing in my front yard on any given night and I'd only trade that for a beach at this point.

Sometimes, the seclusion is nice, but I think you could understand where one might go a little stir crazy...


So, I went to the ER, which was ghastly. I sat there in the modern deco waiting room with other people pale and shaking from god-knows-what. I was glad that it was only five hours of waiting as opposed to the eight or ten it easily could have been. Unfortunately, I got a "we'll have to wait and see" rather than a reason for being sick. But it's not so bad today, which is to say 'it's getting better' and if no one else is panicking, I'm sure as hell not going to. No one wants to be that guy.

I'll just take this time to give you some of the advice I actually find to be useful. KNOW YOUR BODY. When something's not right, you can tell. Don't ignore it. Take care of yourself. Don't be a foul, sickly beast...just sayin'. It's off-putting.



One of my favorite girls in the entire world Erin Wasson and I feel the same way about the whole situation. On her closet door in huge black letters are the words "Know Your Bones, Love My Bones" and I couldn't agree more.




As far as everything else goes, I dunno... Since it's that time of year again, I can't think straight since my brain isn't releasing such-and-such hormone due to lack of sunlight. I can't tell how I feel about anything and it's discouraging. I want to cut off all my hair, but the shape of my face begs to differ. It's just that it's so thick and it's so hot that sometimes, I'd really just rather not.

Since I was sick, I didn't get to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner, either. Which was a bummer. I was sick throughout all the days of leftovers, too. No appetite on Thanksgiving...not the best situation to be in.

I'm trying to find some things to distract me from all the things that may not exactly be going my way, so we're adding to the book project and making it bigger. That means we need more resources, but between all the people involved, I doubt it will be an issue.

And then, there's that whole matter of those feelings...you know the kind...for that one person (and how to work around that effectively and efficiently). Uugh.

But whatever, what's happened has happened what's coming is already on it's way.

Monday, November 23, 2009

nepotism

My mom was a model first. Before I was even born. I got into the whole thing because of her. I'm lucky because she's got the hook up. I admit I wouldn't have had even 1/2 the opportunities I've gotten to enjoy because of this simple fact. She's an impressive lady.
 I inherited her long legs and her natural ability to badassedness in terms of style. Here are some of my mom's photos from
back in the day.
Isn't she a total babe?

(personal fave)

(retro stylings)

(even before myspace, girls knew how to work the angles)

(now you see where I get it)

(thanks for the legz, mom!)

(I have my mom to thank for my eyebrows, too)

(guess who has this dress.)

(music festival)

(*please note how totally creepster the mustachio is.)

Maybe I'll do that half of my genetic code justice.

I ♥ my Mommy.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

about me. (with disclaimer)


Disclaimer: In case you haven't heard, I'm batshit crazy...but you like it. A lot, as a matter of fact.


One can't help but feel a little conceited when they step back and look their life in terms of how many times they being any given sentence with the word "I." Everyone's got a story to tell and while some are undoubtedly more interesting than others, everyone's got something to say. I don't want to be one of those people who spends all my time thinking about I, Me, Mine and not enough time actually doing anything. Those people are ZERO fun. No one wants to be zero fun.

But, I guess people are interested. Enough to read this blog. Enough to email me questions and comments and lurk me up on Facebook and Twitter and Model Mayhem...and that's enough for me. A little interest goes a long way.

I can hear the critics now. "She thought she could use her popularity as a model and supposed artist to pawn herself off as a pseudo-intellectual and sell some ideas. Knowing her and knowing the hard work she put into learning to read, we thought this seemed harmless so we shan't begrudge her an extra two minutes in the light."

Since you can always trust me to be honest with you, my anonymous reader. You are the closest thing I think the world can come to an impartial confidante outside the pen and paper. Someone is listening, and that's all you need to know. I like the idea.

ABOUT ME:
Quasi-Buddhist, neo-transcendentalist, extropian apologist, itenerant artist, general creative, au courant hippie-type, informed citizen, rock and roller by blood, model by trade, actress by nature.





this is what I look like on a regular day. I don't spend a lot of time sprucing up unless I've got somewhere to be. As long as I'm clean and I smell alright, I'm usually good to go. I'm not uptight about myself.
I don't take myself too seriously. I think that's the worst quality a person can have.
I like to be comfortable when I'm not working. I'm a hole-y denim girl all the way. Being glammed up is great, but it's not something I do when I don't have to.
I usually don't even wear makeup on my day-to-day.
After I wash my face, I put on some oil-free moisterizer, maybe some eyeliner, maybe some mascara, and a little chapstick and a tiny amount of clear, shiny lipgloss.
I'm pretty low-maintenence.


In terms of fashion and style: 
A person needs to feel comfortable and beautiful in their own skin.
Everything else will come secondary to that.
You can't develop a sense of your personal fashion if you don't know and love your bones.

I don't know. Maybe I suck. But how does one know if one sucks? I mean, how do you ever really know if you're any good at what you do? The only real gauge of our abilities is the feedback we get from our peers, but they are subject to the same relativist principles as the rest of us. And anyway, masses of people paying compliment to you or your work in whatever form it might take, could indeed be a further indication of your suck-dom! For, isn't it true that the masses are asses?

I have just come to realize that I am a complaining piece of shit. The only things I can think to write about are my numerous complaints and grievances that I am too humble and reserved to speak aloud. I guess I could. Just complain out loud like the rest of the world, I mean. But that would make me feel like the rest of the world. Outward and out of line.
 

I have always felt that an impartial confidante couldn't exist in a human being. One that didn't charge by the hour, at least. So, I have become something of an introvert who spills the milk to one and only source. The page. The pen. This blog (well, three).  
And how vain of me to do so.

AGE: 23
HOMETOWN: Aurora, CO
CLAIM TO FAME:  model, aspiring actress, face of Legacy Apparel and Legacy Fashion Brand
PROUDEST MOMENT, SO FAR: Not passing out when I met (famous fashion photographer) Micah Willis and not dying on the spot when I learned he would be shooting me many times throughout the campaign.
 



Saturday, November 14, 2009

CHEATING: DON'T DO IT. (free therapy)

The subject of infidelity has come up a handful of times in my life in the last couple of days. It's weird for me to think about cheating on someone. I never have and I don't suppose I ever will. Maybe it's because I was cheated on before I had the chance to let my curiosity/drunkenness/stupidity get the best of me. Maybe it really is because he beat me to the punch (which was his theory, although I can say with some confidence that I had no intention or desire and only very little opportunity, but the point was, I didn't).

I have this friend who was "the other woman" in her current boyfriend's life for a long time. He finally broke it off with his now-ex and got with my friend. It's what she always wanted and it's what she got. What she didn't take into account (and what I fear so many people fail to take into account) is that if he cheated on his last girlfriend of 4 years with her, what makes her think there's something that's going to stop him from cheating on her, current girlfriend of 2 years? I love her, but that's stupid. I went through a lot of things to say to her when she talked to me about his suspected cheating. Part of me wanted to tell her it's karma for sneaking around with him when he was with someone else, but the smarter part of me just told her the truth.

Some people are sleazy. They don't care about other people and how they feel. Those people suck, but they're out there and most of the time, they're the ones everyone wants to be around. They're the worst kind of people because they go around playing games with people and leading them around until they can use them up. He might be one of these people and he might not. Just know that they exist and they're clever.

I never understood people who cheat when it's so much easier to just break up with someone then find someone else. Less baggage. Less drama. Who wants the hassle of dating and lying to two people at once? When someone cheats, they are saying "I don't love you." or, they're saying "I'm so stupid, I forgot I had a girlfriend/boyfriend, and so I picked up a drunk slut at a bar. My bad."

Either way, you should let that person go. Cut your losses. Seriously.
But we accept the love we think we deserve.

That's NOT advice, though. I don't give relationship advice.
I will, on the other hand, share my opinion.

LADIES: please stop letting the guys in your life treat you like bang-maids. there really are guys out there who want to make sure you're happy and fulfilled and enriched in YOUR life, too. Believe it or not, there are actually even guys out there who believe that you will make them happy and fulfill and enrich their lives. Find them. They're good. Stay away from guys who are taken. You can't just have something because you want it...you never know what kind of crazy bitch's home you might be wrecking.

GENTS: please remember not to take the love your woman gives you for granted. if you find someone you click with, just let it happen. don't spend so much time second guessing and doubting yourself and just let that love come to you. don't go off trying to find love elsewhere that you've already got at your disposal. it's wasteful and rude and very un-sexy. Don't cheat on your girlfriends. You can't have something just because you want it, either. You never know what kind of crazy bitch you can create by losing a woman's trust.

ALL: Don't jump to conclusions.Everything little thing isn't a sign that they're being unfaithful to you. Make sure your suspicions are founded and not just accusations. Be straightforward if you're suspicious about your lover cheating on you, but don't get hostile until you know if you have a reason to be. Oftentimes, your suspicions can manifest through projections you have of yourself or the way you've been feeling, so make sure you've thought about that, too.


from Le Love
WORD OF ADVICE: Unless you want to end up on Maury, CHEATING? DON'T DO IT.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I like where this is going (part 2)

My Twitter got hacked. For the record, that kind of thing is not cool. No one wants to be confiused for a robot. And no one wants to be "that guy" who fills up everybody's life with whatever nonsense bullshit they hate having to waste their time ignoring. I know the feeling all too well, believe me.

I missed a complete night of sleep this past weekend and my body hasn't caught back up yet. I've got these horrible dark, anemic circles under my eyes and I can't stop yawning, but I can't go to sleep, because there's still so much I've got to do and get done. It was worth it, though. And even if I never catch up and I have to live the rest of my life like this, it was worth it. It was inspiration. It was like magnetic French poetry. C'est vrai.

I got to see my precious little Zoey E., my first ever niece. She's my best friend's one month old daughter and seeing her makes me want to sing songs. It's weird, because I'm not really a kid-person, exactly, but I like this kid a lot.  She's going to be smart and probably very funny. That's my prediction.Her parents are awesome, which helps. I love spending time with them. It's not everyday you can say you've got people in your life who teach you a little something new every day.  Plus, I got to spend time with some of my boys, my faves after the football game-- and you know I love them.

And him. Mmmm. Him ♥ I can't even begin to say it, so I won't...but if I could, you'd be crazy about him, too.

I filmed a commercial which should be airing next week. I don't know when any better than you do, but it will be on either ABC, NBC, CBS or something. If you see it, sweet. If you don't...well, sorry, I guess. If I actually find out when it's going to air, I'll let you know. I'm just as curious as I know you are.

I also got the shooting schedule for the tv show. We're going to be on location for the entire weekend after Thanksgiving starting at 6am Friday morning. It's basically straight through until wrap on Sunday night. Let the good times roll! Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!

That Saturday, by the way, we will be needing extras. It's your chance to be in a tv show. I'd say it's a pretty rare opportunity for a lot of people. It's in the Nashville area, so if you really are interested, let me know and I'll get you in on the deal as a personal guest of mine (whatever that means). If nothing else, you'll get to enjoy Kraft services and watch us young whippersnappers try to keep up with seasoned professional television actors.

Aiyaiyai.

I'm also getting started on the fashion photobook (which still doesn't have a name!). It's my pet project and it's for a good cause and it makes me feel good to be able to use the very limited set of skills that I do have to benefit someone else in the world. I feel like that's some good karma in the bag, and that's not even the reason I'm doing it (which is most likely more good karma).I'm into the entire idea, fundamentally.

In case you think I'm crazy, I am. But I stick to a very particular set of rules around this time of year. I'm one of those people who is really affected by the change in the weather and seasons and position of the sun. You know the type. Peppy when it's sunny, a total buzzkill when it's gloomy, in a blackened pit of woe when it's storming...okay, maybe not that extreme, but the fall...

The fall sucks the life out of me. It's beautiful and the weather's mostly nice, although it's hard to adjust from the warmth of the summer to the occasional night that chills you to the bones. It's gloominess does something to me, though. So, in order to avoid that, I stay busy. It doesn't allow for me to sit around and eat and watch as my thighs expand to epic proportions. It doesn't allow me to spend too much time inside my own head, whichIi've found to be the fastest place for me to catch cabin fever. It doesn't allow for me to spend too much time feeling sorry for myself for whatever reason. It lasts straight through winter and by the time spring rolls around, we've made it. I just tell myself during this time "There's work to do"

I'm one of those people who needs to have a purpose. I consider myself a very itenerant person. I always want to keep growing and moving forward. I believe in nothing but love and eternal forward momentum.

But you already knew that.

Friday, November 6, 2009

I'm really weird about my teeth

I need a dentist.
and a psychiatrist.

I keep having all these awful dreams because I grind my teeth in my sleep. I've had dreams about my teeth breaking off into jagged pieces, crumbling to dust, and even liquifying and draining down the back of my throat. I'm really freakish about my teeth. Dream interpreters always say that when you dream about your teeth, it's a subconscious need to reevaluate your filter, in terms of the things you let escape your mouth. I don't know about all that, but I know it's not working out for me.

Last night, after the show at the Cannery Ballroom, I had a little photo session with Coco because she liked my outfit.  I really hipped it up with big runway hair, a leopard print jacket, black superskinny pants and a black t-shirt. Not to mention, I accessorized with a gold chain mail clutch and big, square hipster glasses. Dressing should be fun.
I love Coco. She is a model who is getting into photography more seriously lately, but she's also got some really interesting ideas on what makes a photo beautiful. She does very minimal retouching, so she's really specific about the people she photographs. We've been friends for years and last night was the first time I've ever been shot by her. It's a big deal in our crowd.  Here's a little something we did at her brother's apartment in Franklin around 1AM.



 


So, as you can see, we had a good time. Tomorrow morning, I'm filming my first ever commercial. I'm looking forward to it almost as much as I'm looking forward to having a night off tomorrow night, even if I have to go right back to the grind Sunday morning. We all know how it goes, though.

There ain't no rest for the wicked.

Cheers!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

update. oh, did you want to be a male model?

Hello, my sweets!

Lots to tell, lots to tell. First, I'm going to be working on my first commercial on Saturday. I got the hookup from a friend of mine and I'm excited. I can't wait for you guys to see me on tv! Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait!

Speaking of tv, things with the pilot are going nicely. Our producer seems like a really cool lady, although I won't get too much into it right now. Good things are happening.

Halloween has come and gone and even though this year was nothing like last year, it was pretty good. There wasn't any crazy partying like last year, but I actually preferred it when it was all said and done. It was low-key. We got into our share of trouble, too and it was really good fun with some really good people.

I'm working on some art direction for a series of photoshoots for my book, too. I'm not referring to my "book" in fashionspeak, either. I'm referring to a book with pages and binding and whatnot. It's a coffeetable sort of thing and proceeds are going to charity.  I've found some wonderful models to work with (and still looking for models/photogs/stylists/MUAs) to get in on the project. If you're interested...


SPEAKING OF THAT::: I'm looking for a 3 guys to work on something with me. The criteria is that you have to have a cute face and look good with your shirt off. You also have to be okay with me and some other hot girls crawling all over you for the sake of a fashionable picture. That's it. That's all you have to do, so if you're interested, hit me up and I'll let you know if you're what we're looking for. You'll get copies of the photos and maybe some phone numbers, depending on how you hit it off with  the other models.

Tonight: The Whigs, The Features, and The Dead Trees @ The Cannery Ballroom!

the boombox is not a toy.

it's not exactly a secret that i still have the biggest crush on you.
hearing your voice gives me the fucking heebie jeebies.
in the most pleasing of ways.



hopefully i dont f*ck this up
while there's still time to worry about it

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