Tuesday, December 22, 2009

if he doesn't call you, he doesn't want to talk to you.

it's true and I'm sorry. Trust me on this one. I know you have feelings for him and you guys really connected or whatever, but thems the facts. If he isn't calling you, it's because he doesn't want to talk to you.  You can choose to do one of three things with this information, now that you have it. You can A. Call him. It either means you don't care that he doesn't want to talk to you, because you want to talk to him or that you're a psycho in the making, just getting ready to head to his house for a little bit of shrub lurking. B. Don't call him. Sit around and make yourself feel bad because the realization finally hit you that you like him way more than he ever liked you, either that or forget about him altogether. Or C. Text him when you feel like hooking up. Don't get too caught up in the hype, because if he doesn't want you, he's obviously not that smart. So it's not like you're missing out on some gem. I'm not advocating any of these choices, but I'm just laying out the nearly pathological behavior I've noticed in people and their relationships. It's annoying how predictable it all can be sometimes.

But whatever, because I'd rather talk about pictures.

I photographed with Giovann Viori. He is a Tuscan photographer who is currently working on a huuuge photo series that WTF, I'm a part of?!?!?




 

The series is called "The Photographer's Assistant" and it tells a story of this woman (played by several models including our girls Sofia Markolov and Dallas Fite) who apprentices for a photographer and falls in love with the photographer first, then his camera, which eventually consumes her. The concept has a very ethereal feel, which I find to be almost ghostly. It's eerie, but I like it a lot. It's different.


Giovanni is someone I've always known, but never worked with. We partied together back when I was much younger and going to all the hot events here and there. He's Tuscan, so he's got that Italian angle, which he is not afraid to work. But I appreciate a photographer who knows his way around models. Make us comfortable. Make us feel like we're having a good time and it will be easier for us to do what you want us to do to when you're trying to capture that image. You know what I mean/

When I was fresh out of high school, cavorting with the likes of the slightly-older fashion crowd, Giovanni was like the cool, Senior foreign exchange student to my nerdy, awkward Freshman girl. Back in those days, I didn't think there was anyway anyone could ever been as cool as he was. To this day, I don't know if I've met anyone cooler than Gi. Some people have come very close. One or two may even give him a run for his money, but that's it. He's the epitome of Italian charm with the class to match. Gentlemanly in every way.

He sees the world in a very unique way. It's pretty impressive.

 

The whole set was me, sitting at the head of a bed with Christmas lights strung along the wall behind me. There wasn't any extra lighting of any kind, just the click-click of the shutter and whatever random cd (probably The Avett Bros. or The Broken Family Band)  and Gi saying "bella" every now and then.



There are more, but I'm bored posting them. Enjoy. 


Friday, December 18, 2009

I need to recreate this shot.


Okay, maybe I don't need to recreate this shot, but I sure would like to. There's something simple about it that I like a lot. I'd even be willing to strip down for it.



Obviously, I would make some subtle changes (less diaper-y bottoms, entirely different shoes and probably a cooler tone althogether), but I love this image. I found it randomly on twitpic and snatched it. It's Lisa Boyle's self-portrait. I don't know who she is other than I'm pretty sure she's in the adult industry and she's hott, but that's not really my scene...so I don't suppose I would know much more.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

By all means, go ahead and indulge.

No duh, I have a millionzillionbillion concepts for photoshoots clanking around in my head like used car parts in a backpack. Most of these are going to be featured in our photobook just as soon as it's all done, but some I think are really just for me. I have a concept that I really want to shoot for myself, with my friends (with no restrictions on how tall anyone has to be or anything crazy like that!). The only stipulation is that you are beautiful (which by my standards, all my friends totally are and more)... whatever that means, anyway tho. There would 4-5 female models and 2-3 propmodelguys. The girls would be entirely done up in prom/charity style formal gowns &styling, and the guys would be superduper, real deal, Johnny Rotten punks. Filthy musician types...mmmm.  As far as setting a shoot like that, I could either use something that looked like a classy banquet hall-type situation --Nashville City Club comes to mind, because it's so classy and I love it there--- and something alley-like that could probably be found with little to no issue downtown. There's a lot of juxtaposition and contrast in it in my head, but I lack the technical know-how to pull it off. So if anyone in the Nashville (or even within a reasonable distance) area feels like indulging me, by all means go ahead and indulge. If executed properly, I think it could be a nice prom spread, but also really fun, young, hip imagery on an artistic level, too. Right up my alley.

I've been really wanting to get into photography, lately. It's not uncommon that models often get in to photography at some point, so it wouldn't be like I was some kind of terrible musician trying to act or anything...although, broadening your body of work is important. First, I suppose I would need to buy a camera, which horrifies me because I don't know where to start and I know it's all a matter of preference, but I haven't a clue. Not the slightest clue. Then, I'll have to compound some linear knowledge just basic enough to function and eventually, gain the vastness of the inner workings of the art, itself. Which will only further motivate me to relocate to a place where one might be able to make a reasonable living in the world of modeling & photography without having to do anything to crude or graphic, although by no means am I saying that I want to grow up and be a "photographer". I think that's best left to you, who is already doing such a wonderful job. I know my place is in front of the camera. I prefer it that way. But I would like to be able to take photos like the ones in my head, if the mood ever happens to strike me.

This time of year is ridiculous. I feel like I'll never have the time to sit down and rub the tension from my neck and shoulders. But I can't imagine doing anything else, though. Nothing. I'll be the first to admit that I have a very particular and focused set of skills...majoring in Theatre doesn't exactly prepare you for life in the way that you might think it probably could....so I'll do what I can do, which is stand on seamless paper and pose my cute little ass off.

And I'll go with what I know for now, and maybe I'll meet some interesting people and maybe learn some cool shit along the way. And who knows?? Maybe you can show me a thing or two while we're here and together?

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

a day with giovanni viori (pt. 1)

Good morning, my loves. It's not quite 8am here and I've been awake for 4 hours already. Why? Because today I'm shooting with Giovanni Viori who's work has appeared in everything from ELLE to Vogue to Town & Country. He's a wonder and I love him so much because he is how I envision a younger Steven Meisel might have been. Always watching and seeing. Mysterious.

And then, of course there's that Tuscan accent and the hotness to match. So, I really can't complain. I don't know what's happening to me. I really love photographers lately. More than usual, even. Maybe it's because my last 3 jobs have been with young and handsome guys.

We're shooting some editorial stuff to appear in the first issue of City Lights (NFC's quarterly publication devoted to recognizing eco-friendly efforts of people, organizations, and businesses). I think you'll really dig it.

I'm having a really good day. I don't know... the last couple of days have been nice. A nice change from being sick and  then too busy catching up from being sick, but now...It started on Wednesday. I had a nice, long shoot with Tony and got to play up my darker side a little bit. It was a long day, but it was good and I walked away from it having learned a thing or two in the process. Plus, we did some high art/gallery type stuff that will blow your mind. Just you wait 'enry 'iggins. Just you wait.

I finally got the time to see my friends this weekend, too. I'm sure that has a lot to do with the reason I'm in such good spirits today. It's important to have something that is completely separate from work and worry and all those things you can't stand, but have to deal with. They're that, for me. Because there's so much else that HAS to be done and it's a lot of responsibility, but it's important to have someone you can go to and have a beer with, watch a movie with, or whatever without thinking too much about working. Although, I certainly can't complain, if this is what I get to do all day every day. It's the best job in the world.

Real life is hard, though some might argue that this isn't exactly 'real-life.' I have to disagree, though. Considering my work day today began at 4:30am and will not officially end until probably 10 or 11pm, I'd say this is as real as this shit comes.

Also, I am coexecutiveproducing a documentary. WTF, you ask? Well, yes. Yes I am.

Being busy is good, though. And if you can find paying work (that isn't getting naked for some creeper), which is not always easy in a smaller market like this without too much need for intense traveling, then good for you. You rule.

Since Christmas is a time when you can ask and maybe, just maybe your wishes could come true....I want to be photographed by Shawn Regruto. I'm not kidding. As far as editorial photography (which could easily be my secret lover if it were possible) he's got it squared away. I saw his film Point&Shoot years ago, fresh out of high school and it was just around that time when I was really falling in love with Athena Currey, so it was perfect. Ask anybody who knows 'Shawn knows his way around models.' But it's not just that I'm a sucker for a charmer, it's that he's takes stunning, honest photos and I want to get in on it. See?


Shawn+Athena

poetry.

Alright now, time's up so I've got to get back to work. Seamless paper, here I come!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Love

I just want to say that I think love is magical if you're lucky enough to feel it. There is nothing better.
That's all.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

trying to give you Summer, but I'm Winter. wish I could make you Spring, but I Fall so hard.

There's a really big chance that I'm on the verge of a psychotic break. I don't like the Winter, even though I love the song 'Winter Time' by Steve Miller Band. I don't like that there isn't enough sunlight to produce the same amounts of serotonin in my brain or vitamin D in my body to make me feel like I do in sunny (warmer) months. It's science, but I hate it whether I can argue it's fact-hood or not. For instance, in the Summer we get about 15 decent hours of sunlight a day compared to the Winter, when we get about about 10. Not only that, cold weather yields less energy, which makes people moodier, on average. Plus, your regular American 20-something has a tendency to indulge in carbs, stimulants (coffee, caffeine, etc) and alcohol in the winter to temporarily boost their moods. And while, yes it does work for a little while, it is often overlooked that eventually, a crash is inevitable...which makes you feel worse. And even if you don't mind love handles or a caffeine crash or a hangover, I do. It seems like a lose-lose to me, because I hate being cold (and anyone who knows me even kind of well knows that I'm always cold, all the time, everyday, all day) and Winter months sure as balls aren't doing anything to solve that, plus I feel like shit all the time and hate everybody*.
*maybe not hate, and maybe not everybody, but I am certainly less inclined to patience and understanding during this time of the yearr. 


via K9 Magazine 
It doesn't help, either, that there's always something going on. It's hard to hibernate until the sun comes back when you've got a million places to be all at once. It's exhausting. Excruciating. I just want to crawl into bed with some ginger ale and an endless supply of thoughtful and understated cinematic gems, a variety of well written literature, and a case or two of Argentinian Malbec until next Summer. Screw the Spring. It's still cold sometimes, too.  



I was born in Colorado. From there, my family moved to South Dakota, so I know what real cold is. I know what real snow looks like. 3 inches sure as hell wasn't getting anybody's school cancelled. I've actually been snowed inside my house, unlike most of the people in the Nashville area, so it's a big change. Winters in this part of the country ore apretty mild to that. But even having said that, I don't like it any more. Maybe it's that in a weird way, the Winter is always the end of things. It's an inevitable metaphor for the death of the dates on the last year's calendar.  It's like a big 'fuck you' to all the newness and life of the Spring and the freshness and vibrancy of the Summer. Winter is the worst for Autumn, because in a manner of speaking, Winter's what does it in.

I had a full day shooting with Tony Denning today. We did some high art shots (think Art in America or something you might see hanging at some fancy black-tie showing at such and such's posh gallery). I can't really explain the concept to you, as I have next to no knowledge of the technicalities of experimental photography. All I know is there will be some really intense photos of me, exposed multiple times to appear that I'm layered atop myself, traced in light. It's probably just better if I wait and let you see them after he gets done with the post-work, so I'll just do that. Then, we shot some stuff for a concept series of his that will either scare you to death or blow your mind. Thematically, we'll call it mature, because there is nudity and violence and fear and pain, but the intensity shows and that's the point. It was a really great acting excercise where for 1/gazillionth of a nanosecond, I was pretty sure I was going to suffocate and die. But I didn't. How nice for everyone?

I feel like I should take this time to say that I consider myself to be an artist. It's up for debate because of the broad range of things that people claim as "art" but when I'm working on something, when I'm creating art, I can honestly say that the connection I feel to those of like-mind is unparalleled. I'm in it for the process of creation, which I find to be a very sacred thing. Today, being unlike anything I've ever done EVER and could never really get the opportunity to do again, was one of those sacred things. A holy moment that lasted the full 10 hours of the shoot. That's a pretty good sign, if you ask me.

The images from the second set of photos won't be for everyone, but for the people who see them for what they are, as opposed to what they think they're supposed to feel, I'd say you're in for a macabre treat. I was more than pleased, and that was even before he really got to do anything in the way of post and cleanup. Thirdly, we did some shot playing around with cigarette smoke. I'm calling those the "Bad Cop" set. If you see them, you'll instantly see exactly what I mean when I say that.

If you ever get the chance, work with Tony Denning! Whether it's fashion or art or something else entirely DO THAT SHIT. He's cool and he really knows he's doing. Like, really. Plus, we have the same taste in music, which isn't exactly a rare thing in my life, but always a treat. And if you're in Nashville, do it stat, cause he's moving to Ohio and that's a hell of a drive.

Today, I created a permanent tinyurl for this blog. It's http://tinyurl.com/read-or-perish 

Don't click on that, because OBVIOUSLY, it's not going to take you anywhere but right back here, since it's the link to this blog. Just to save you the trouble...
enjoy.

Monday, December 7, 2009

sweet for this one/breakdown

Jessie Baylin is one of my favorite people in the entire world. She is one of the most beautiful and gracious and talented women I have ever had the pleasure to have in my life. She and I have a lot in common in terms of the way we feel about and express things and I am grateful for that. She gets me. It's rare. For instance, her first album 'Firesight' could easily be the soundtrack to my life over the last couple of years. Every song on that album evokes the exact emotions I've had in terms of understanding who I am and adjusting to another person being a big part of that. As my big sis Kari once said so beautifully, it's the transition from 'me' to 'us.' I guess all girls can relate to feeling that particular way in some capacity. It really is a new way of thinking, though. You don't get to be the center of your own universe anymore. You are now responsible for not only your own happiness, but the happiness of the person you love. It's an object lesson in grace, for sure.
Unfortunately, this song isn't on the album. It is on a love collection from Grandma's Warehouse, which rulz, rulz, rulz, though.

Sweet for this One/Breakdown

Would it be so bad to be with me? I‘m the safest chance you have in this city. When this door closes, I’m not opening it again and you can watch me from a distance. Can someone save me from being his baby? Lord, you know I’m sweet for this one and in the night, you know I reach for this one. Making me bad and please don’t turn me to stone. I’m trying to be good now. I am almost to the point of bailing. Sick and tired of all the words he’s not saying. When this door closes, I’m not opening it again and you can watch me from a distance. Can someone save me from being his baby? Lord, you know I’m sweet for this one and in the night, you know I reach for this one. Making me bad and please don’t turn me to stone. I’m trying to be good now. Is it wrong that I want and I’m willing to give and go back to his arms when they’re telling me how he’s good for nothing else. And I try to ignore, when he’s knocking upon my door. Can someone save me from being his baby? Lord, you know how I’m sweet for this one and in the night, you know I reach for this one. Making me bad and please don’t turn me to stone. I’m trying to be good now. Don’t you know that I’m sweet for this one? Make me bad, but please don’t turn me to stone. I’m trying to be good now. It’s alright if you love me, it’s alright if you don’t. I’m not afraid of you running away, honey. I get the feeling you won’t. There’s no sense in pretending. Your eyes give you away. Something inside you is feeling like I do. We’ve said all there is to say. Baby, breakdown—go ahead and give it to me. Breakdown and take me in the night. It’s alright. I’m trying to be good now…


You can listen to it

Sweet For This One/Breakdown - Jessie Baylin
because mama loves you.

Jessie just got married, by the way. To Nathan, the Kings of Leon drummer. Nashville is abuzz with rock and roll romance and I think it's just the tops.

I love love.
It gives me major hope.

I've got a full day shooting with Tony Denning of Alexander Allen/Tony Focus Photography on Wednesday. I've seen his work and the work he did with Renee stopped me in my tracks. I'm really excited about it, because I've been itching to shoot something creative and unique and believe me, I think that's what's in store. I can dig it. On the 17th, I'm shooting with Leland Coleman of Overlook Photography and we're working on some really fun collaborative ideas. We're still working on the photobook and one of these days, Kayelless and I will get to work on the orange wall vintage idea that's haunting me. So, I'm pretty busy, but I would raher be busy than bored. It's just my nature. And I'm still trying to work out dates to shoot with Jim, Studio KGM Inc., Milestone, DFarrell, Bruce Yonce, Josh Kane,  JCurry, and Rodney
Mickle. Booking is a bitch, but I'm bringing my mom on as my business manager. Seriously....

Can't tell yet if we should be nervous about working together this closely, but it seems like it should be okay.

Love you.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

together we'll sing songs and tell exaggerated stories about the way we feel today and tonight and in the morning.

 I am, by no means, eager to have a baby of an kind any time even remotely soon...BUT, among the few people in the world I can say I'd be willing to give up on that for is Julian Casablancas. I love The Strokes and I love 'My Drive Thru' with Santogold and Pharell, not to mention the song he did with Andy Samberg and his hilarious band of SNL fame The Lonely Island, 'Boombox' is not only really cool musically, but funny. As shit. His new solo release Phrazes for the Young, though. It's beyond gooood.

My favorite track on the album is '4 Chords of the Apocalypse' which, as Coco says (rather crudely), 'makes me wet.' 

If I can break it down any less clearly, I'm sure going to try. When I first got the album I listened to it and I had that feeling you get playing 7 Minutes in Heaven with some boy you really, really, really want to kiss. From start to finish, the music exhilarated me. I recommend it if you're into that sort of thing. Cheap thrills. Mmmm.


I'm not going to share '4 Chords...' with you right now, though. Along with all the other songs, I'm really feeling the song 'Out of the Blue' because it reminds me so explicitly of the love I have for the love I have. Especially when I miss him the most, which is right now and times like it. But the course of love never did run smooth, or some such nonsense.

'Out of the Blue'

Somewhere along the way, my hopefulness turned to sadness.Somewhere along the way , my sadness turned to bitterness.Somewhere along the way, my bitterness turned to anger. Somewhere along the way, my anger turned to vengeance.And the ones that I made pay were never the ones who deserved it, and the ones who deserved it, they'll never understand it. Yes, I know I'm going to Hell in a purple basket, at least I'll be in another world while you're pissing on my casket...

How could you be..oh, so perfect for me? Why can't you ignore all  things I did before?

Somewhere along the way, exacting vengeance gave excitement. Somewhere along the way, that excitement turned to pleasure.Somewhere along the way, that pleasure turned to madness. But sooner or later, that kind of madness turns into pain. And the ones that I made pay were never the ones who deserved it. Those who helped me along the way, I smacked them as I thanked them. Yes, I know I'm going to Hell in a leather jacket, at least I'll be in another world while you're pissing on my casket. And all that I can do is sing a song of faded glory, and all you got to do is sit there, look great, and make them horny. Together we'll sing songs and tell exaggerated stories about the way we feel today and tonight and in the morning...

How could you be.. oh, so perfect for me? Why can't you ignore all the things I did before?

Take all your fears, pretend they're all true. Take all your plans, pretend they fell through. But that's what it's like for most people in this world. The rich or the poor, Muslims or Jews --when roles are reversed, opinions are too.

That's all I'm gonna say now.
Before they come knocking on my door now.

Friday, December 4, 2009

I am for you.


Alright. Don't panic.
Help is on the way.

I'm trying to get everything in order, but as soon as mark something done, there are two more things to do. I'm okay with living this way for now, but it's very tiring and I would like a real break. The end of the year is coming up and I've got to get a lot of things finished, started, and cleared up before then. We still need some people for our photobook. Guys especially. And you dno't have to be huge or ripped or jacked or whatever. If you look good with your shirt off, that's cool. We're looking for some more diversity in the models or some MAJOR skill MUA-wise.

Cheese and rice this is tough work.

I'm working on a few projects of my own as well as a few things with some local creative-types, too. I had a long and really nice conversation with wildly talented Nashville-for-now photographer, Tony Denning about a possible collaboration. I've got a shoot with Kayelless coming up (looks like this Sunday), although we'll have to see if the other models are free. I'm still trying to set dates and book models and get everyone where they need to be when they need to be there. I would have already gotten someone else to do this if it wasn't my baby, but it is. But people are helping, and as we start running out of time, I'm sure I'll start soliciting help left and right.

Other than that, things are pretty much normal. Well, as normal as they ever were.



'Martini Debris'
by Doug Z
I'm also making Christmas presents. I want them to be meaningful because I'm trying out this new lifestyle choice where I'm not some vapid, shallow 'model' who people only invite places to look pretty and not because they really want my company.
It's my end of 2009 resolution.

I'm going to go to Panera to have lunch, work on sending out the millions of emails that should have gone out yesterday. Find people, book people, work around everyone's schedules, and 'make it work.' I'm so busy I don't have time to think about the time or the distance between us. I prefer it this way in the wintertime.


Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Ugly World of Modeling: Drugs, Rape, Predators, Isolation - ABC News

I remember this happening and getting phone calls from so many people just to "check in" after. People were calling me that I hadn't spoken to in years. It's sad that it's so often death that brings people together again. If we can say anything good has come of it, since Ruslana's death in terms of the way agencies are treating their girls, things are getting better, slowly. I don't know that any of those changes have really been substanital because it is such a physically and emotionally demanding life. The hectic lifestyle is part of it, yes. But what a lot of people don't consider is that models are people who need water and sleep and occasionally a sympathetic ear.

Ugly World of Modeling: Drugs, Rape, Predators, Isolation - ABC News

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

aight den

Tonight was the (RED) party for World AIDS day. I couldn't stay long because I'm still not 100%, but I went for a while. It was fun. There were a lot of fascinating people milling about and there was a good energy all around. Koji pulled some things and brought them over for me to check out. I ended up going with a supermod LBD (little black dress) and red witchpoint flats with red accessories. I have to say, everyone there looked really good. It was kind of a special moment.

I had to come home, though. I'm still on the mend and I don't see any point in making it any worse by overexerting myself. The worst thing is, we've had some really clear nights lately and I sort of impulse bought this telescope, so... but so far, since I've had it, the only times I've felt well enough to get out and use it have been really cloudy nights.

Plus, no matter how clean I actually am, being sick makes me feel really scuzzy. I'm not saying I'm one of those shower every day types, because I'm not...I don't think it's necessary or practical, but that's beside the point. I alway feel gross when something is ailing me. Hella gross.

I've got so much work coming up.I just hope I get better..passable before my next job rolls around. It's been nice to have a week off, but I'm ready to get back to work and I'm booked and booking through the end of the year, so work's kind of flooding in. Aiyaiyai.

Plus, I've missed a week of bootcamp. For those of you who don't know, model bootcamp is a BITCH. it's a ton of hard, hard work because everything's got to be as close to perfect as possible, so they work you in really specific ways on a specific regimen. Imagine missing a whole week of something like that.

fothermucker.

In truth, all I want to do is cuddle on a couch and not worry about it.
But I AM worried about it.
Because my work consumes me.
But it could be worse.


photo by Danny Myers
model: me

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