Saturday, July 24, 2010

Illuminating You Fashion Show

I will likely be updating constantly about today's fashion show on my Twitter.

It's at Avenue 9 (312 9th Ave. South--The Molyneux building) tonight and if you still want to come, you can get your tickets at from The House of Brejil

just fyi.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Hermitage Vogue

me, at the waterfall
in series form.
all photos by Bruce Yonce
MUAH by Raquel Bandarra
styling by DeWayne McKnight & Reggie Overton

click on the photos for an even closer look.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

various, different, me.


photo by Randy Harris
photo by Patrick Collins
photo by Jim Oberman

photo by Danny Myers
photo by Danny Myers

photo by Jim Oberman
photo by Greg Thomason

photo by Michael Miles

Monday, June 7, 2010

I think I'm going to be making a mostly permanentish move from blogspot to tumblr. I already have a blog and it's easier for me to post there than here (because I can do it very simply from my mobile phone). Please feel free to take a look when you're wondering what I'm up to.

I'll still be updating here, only I think it's going to become exclusively for professional pursuits.

At War With Myself - if you REALLY want to see my life on display.

Friday, June 4, 2010

cold medicine.

I have a sinus infection. I tried denying it, but I'm afraid facts are facts. This is no good. I am literally on the go nonstop until Bonnaroo, then Bonnaroo itself, then back to work immediately with not a day off until the 21st. So, screw you sinus infection ONE day of allergies (Monday) and I've already got a sinus infection (Friday), which I've pretty much had for 3 days. This kinda thing isn't right.

But feeling like crap somehow motivates me to get stuff done. Probably because I spend a lot of my sick time in bed, which usually means on the computer. Most of the time, I'm doing constructive things when I'm on the computer. Well... when I'm sick, for some reason I like still getting things done. I don't know what I'm talking about. These pills have made me loopy. I just hate being sick. Probably more than most people, although I guess there's no real way to know for sure.
It's the worst.

Despite being sick, I've laughed a lot to day. 

and that's really all that matters when it gets right down to it. 

Here are some random pictures of stuff :

I took these
(top, A Rhino; bottom, A Rhino Pooping)
makes me laugh. a lot.


it must rule to be so rich you can just have peacocks running around on your patio.
just saying.


ultracute picture of my bro & I when we were bambinos. before my sis was born.

And that's that, sports fans. Hot tea and steam are calling my name.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

summer lovin'

photo: Greg Thomason
MUA: Jennifer Hardwick Duffy

I've never watched a full episode of Sex in the City. I haven't seen either movie. If someone came up to me and said 'That is sooo a Carrie Bradshaw thing to do,' the allusion would likely be lost on me for a moment, or two. I even had to IMDB Sarah Jessica Parker's name to be sure it was actually Carrie Bradshaw in the show.

That is completely irrelevant to the remainder of this message:
I've been working nonstop and I'm excited (the very most excitement possible) about summer fashion shows and Atlanta Fashion Week and Bonnaroo in a FEW DAYS and summer fun, jetsetting, swimming, and SHORTS. I love shorts. And playing the woods. Those are kinda my new things.

Here are some photos I took with a local photo club last Thursday. I shot with some of them (plus some others) again yesterday, and you guys are going to love, love, love it. I'm calling it now.
photo: Ash Li

photo: Danny Myers



Anyway, I love the summertime and I'm glad it's found its way back to us again.

Monday, May 24, 2010

A Weekend in Wonderland

I told you I was going to be busy, and I am. I'm about halfway through about 2 and a half weeks of work without a technical day off. The ONLY thing that has gotten me through it this far is that I happened to have a weekend of jobs booked in the town where my besties happen to live. I'm not going to deny doing that on purpose so I could see them. I'll just tell you about the last couple of days because they're pretty much the interesting ones.

FRIDAY: I was one of the girls lucky enough to walk in the Pink Elephant show, by the incredible and oh-so-sweet Truly Alvarenga. The inspiration for her new collection is a very whimsical Harajuku idea and I love it. The colors are vivid and rich and the garments (dresses, tops, bottoms, swimsuits) are really bold and beautiful. They make you have fun. And who doesn't love to have fun?!?! That's right. No one. Everyone loves fun. Not even the grumpiest, oldest curmudgeon in the world could deny. I also had a good time and met a lot of beautiful and wonderful people. All the models were all so nice, and the event people were so helpful, and the glam squad was so great...believe me, that does not always happen. I didn't meet one rude, bitchy, snarky, or unpleasant person the whole night. Even the parking attendant was nice. I think the universe was doing me a favor because I had really bad cramps. It's just a theory, but a pretty good one, I'd say.You're welcome for that tidbit of info. We were adorned with absolutely gorgeous jewelry by Haley Luffman & Dawn Craft of Chaud Chic Couture.
You can see some of the photos from the show at the amazing, talented, and cute as a button photographer Ariana Jordan's blog, here. She's based out of Knoxville. If you're in or around there, work with her immediately.

I'll be posting photos as I get them, so be on the lookout for that. It will please and surprise your eyes, I think.

And you know that's what I'm going for. 
It's like, completely what I'm about.

SATURDAY: I shot with Jim Oberman of UBU Photography for the 2nd time for the Nashville Fashion Collective. You can take a look at some of those HERE, unless you want to wait, in which case, I'll be posting those as I get them as well. I styled myself and did my own hair and makeup (I'm trying to branch out, because I think its important to be well-rounded). Based on the previews I've seen, there will be some nice, nice, nice ones. He's a great photographer, so I don't doubt it at all.

Also, Saturday night my buddies Geist played a...benefit show... more people should know them, because mark my words, they're good. I suppose they would best be described as an altrock/funk band with jazz influences... but I think that they just play what they like because they're all music people in the truest sense. It's music you can both dance and groove to. The best kind of music if you ask me. Plus, one of the aforementioned besties is in said band, so there's that.

SUNDAY: Another shoot for The Collective. Ed Bodnar was our photographer. We had the lovely Ms. Raynetta Smith styling and Ms. Kas, one of my favorites, as MUA. The models were myself, as well as the very beautiful and amazing ladies, Autumn Ramos Lindsey and Danielle Dobbs. It was 98 degrees (like that ill-fated boy band from the 90s) and we were HOT, but we were lucky enough to enjoy a breeze every now and then and sometimes, it's like that. I think you guys are going to really love those, too. It's the Romantic spring shoot I mentioned briefly some time ago.

And I got to spend some time with my favorite people, too. And watch some Yo Gabba Gabba. And if you've seen the episode with MGMT, I want to shoot in a room like they painted in the "Art is Everywhere" song. Bad. YouTube it if you  must.

All in all, I'd say this weekend was a resounding success.
Thanks for being a part of it.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

please don't book me for the next two weeks. and if you do...

your idea better be INCREDIBLE.  Here's why:

in the next 2 weeks, i'm looking at:
5 shoots, 2 shows, 2 rehearsals for shows, 1 meeting with a rep from Element Models in Atl (in Atlanta), a fitting,  a graduation party, a doctor's appt, and at least 20 hours at Legacy, plus we're doing a lot of work on the book, which is taking up every single bit of free time I had. My working days are usually about 15 hour days, on average. My mom and I figured that out this week.

tough life, eh? but you know I can't complain. I have the best job in the world and a pretty great life to go along with it.

Upcoming
photoshoot: Jim Oberman
photoshoot: Jermaine Wallace
photoshoot: Gavin Trump
photoshoot: Jenny Kai
photoshoot: Will

fashion show: Pink Elephant designs
fashion show: ReCon

rehearsal: House of Brejil designs
rehearsal: ReCon Walk-Off

As a matter of fact, if you're in the Nashville area (or want to be) on May 21st, come out and check out this show. Truly Alvarenga (of Pink Elephant) is a really creative and expressive designer with a really cool aesthetic.

See the Facebook page for her designs here and/or her website here

You can read information about and buy tickets to the show/party here,
but I'll tell you a little about it in case you're too busy to follow the link.

Social Pipeline
presents
THE WEEKEND: Wonderland
05.21.2010



Please join us Friday May 21st where world’s will collide for an exceptionally explosive event. THE WEEKEND: Wonderland will bring you an amazing atmosphere and exceptional entertainment. Highlights include (but not limited to) fashion show by local designer, Truly Alvarenga (Pink Elephant), Morelia Cuevas, Josh Macer & Brent Young’s Birthday Celebration’s and mind-blowing musical performances. As always, Social Pipeline promises trendy, one-of-a-kind décor and a whimsical, unforgettable night!

Doors open at 8:00pm where you’ll enter into the unique land of Wonderland. All guests will have access to 2 full service bars. You’ll start your night off with an amazing fashion show featuring edgy local designer, Truly Alvarenga and her clothing line, Pink Elephant. Models will be accessorized by talented jewelry designers, Haley Luffman & Dawn Craft of Chaud Chic Couture. The fashion show will begin at 9:30pm. Expect to see vibrant fashions adorning 20 of Nashville’s finest on the catwalk. VIP guests who purchase tickets in advance will have a designated front row seat for the show and goodie bag with items from our sponsors. Cabana guest will enjoy an unobstructed view for the entire evening. Following the catwalk will be two distinct musical genres to enjoy. One level brings you the sick sounds of DJ COACH, the other- a live performance by The Chris Weaver Band. Don’t forget about the photo booth provided by Generation Domination!

VIP tickets will allow you access to the 300 square foot balcony overlooking the main floor that will feature an additional bar. Guests not able to purchase a cabana but wanting a place to nest will enjoy a great voyeuristic view of the rest of the party.

A portion of each ticket will benefit NSCC and Rhinestone for a Cure. There will also be a Silent Auction featuring items donated by Kid Rock. 100% of proceeds will be donated to the flood victims in our community.



Friday, May 7, 2010

aftermath of the flood: one week later

most everyone is still reeling from the flood last weekend. it's still weighing heavy on everyone's minds and life, for a lot of people, has come to a stand still until further notice. the whole thing is still so surreal. the water has receded, but the billions and billions of dollars of damage and the lives lost and the...immensity of it kind of rockets you into a somber reality.

so, we're rebuilding and volunteering and its really inspiring to see so many people band together in such a no-bullshit kind of way. for the last few days, we've been going to neighborhoods that were hit hard. we just start at the end of the street and move down door-to-door, moving debris, looking for animals.

Everyone rallied together so quickly. It immediately became about helping your neighbors and getting stuff worked out. It was really inspiring.

I'm so inspired by it, as a matter of fact, that I'm lobbying hard for the proceeds of the Look Book to benefit victims of the flood. I'll let you know what the board thinks about it...

go here to read my tumbls from last week if you need a humorous recap of the events. or go here for my tweets, if you're into that kind of thing.

If you're interested in volunteering and you're in or around or plan to be in the Nashville area, get in touch with those amazing people at Hands On Nashville and they'll get you all squared away.
http://www.hon.org

Or, if you want to make a $10 donation, you can text 'REDCROSS' to 90999 www.redcross.org -or- to give to the Metro Restore the Dream fund text 'RESTORE' to UNITED (864833)http://youtube/4FH8Dtz4TmU 

And I'm seeing a lot of terrifying mold growing, too. If you know me, you know I'm having a hard time with that.

I've got some work lined up. I'm shooting with Jermaine for the Collective and he's got some really cool references for the concept.
See? So, something fun is on its way, and I, for one, am glad. Basically, my entire week was canceled because of the flood, so I'm eager to get back to work This also means I get to go shopping and well...

Plus, Athena and I have been working on a small collaborative line of reconstructs for Legacy. I think we're going to be calling it "Dirt" and I think it's going to be a hit. There will be a lot of great pieces for me to wear to Bonnaroo. Hell yes. Next, I'll need to work out a shoot with that and I already basically have an an excellent idea and everything seems like its going to fall into place nicely.

I'm glad. I'm no good when I'm bored.

I'm also waiting for some photos from a shoot I did for Salon Exhale. I can't wait for those. That was a fun day.

I've been learning about construction and brushing up on my sewing and basic design skills lately. I think I want to try and release a specialty fall collection in the next couple of months. I'm all about rallying the cause.

I've got a lot of ideas bouncing around in my head.

Geez, what an exciting time to be alive!?!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

We Are Nashville


We Are Nashville

We Are Nashville
Allow me a moment to step away from the usual voice of this website.
What I am about to write has absolutely nothing to do with hockey.
If you live outside of Nashville, you may not be aware, but our city was hit by a 500-year flood over the last few days. The national news coverage gave us 15 minutes, but went back to focusing on a failed car bomb and an oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. While both are clearly important stories, was that any reason to ignore our story? It may not be as terror-sexy as a failed car bomb or as eco-sexy as an oil spill, but that’s no reason to be ignored.
The Cumberland River crested at its highest level in over 80 years. Nashville had its highest rainfall totals since records began. People drowned. Billions of dollars in damage occurred. It is the single largest disaster to hit Middle Tennessee since the Civil War. And yet…no one knows about it.
Does it really matter? Eventually, it will…as I mentioned, there are billions of dollars in damage. It seems bizarre that no one seems to be aware that we just experienced what is quite probably the costliest non-hurricane disaster in American history. The funds to rebuild will have to come from somewhere, which is why people need to know. It’s hard to believe that we will receive much relief if there isn’t a perception that we need it.
But let’s look at the other side of the coin for a moment. A large part of the reason that we are being ignored is because of who we are. Think about that for just a second. Did you hear about looting? Did you hear about crime sprees? No…you didn’t. You heard about people pulling their neighbors off of rooftops. You saw a group of people trying to move two horses to higher ground. No…we didn’t loot. Our biggest warning was, “Don’t play in the floodwater.” When you think about it…that speaks a lot for our city. A large portion of why we were being ignored was that we weren’t doing anything to draw attention to ourselves. We were handling it on our own.
Some will be quick to find fault in the way rescue operations were handled, but the fact of the matter is that the catastrophe could not have been prevented and it is simply ignorant beyond all reason to suggest otherwise. It is a flood. It was caused by rain. You can try to find a face to stick this tragedy to, but you’ll be wrong.
Parts of Nashville that could never even conceivably be underwater were underwater. Some of them still are. Opry Mills and the Opryland Hotel are, for all intents and purposes, destroyed. People died sitting in standstill traffic on the Interstate. We saw boats going down West End. And, of course, we all saw the surreal image of the portable building from Lighthouse Christian floating into traffic and being destroyed when cars were knocked into it. I’m still having trouble comprehending all of it.
And yet…life will go on. We’ll go back to work, to school, to our lives…and we’ll carry on. In a little over a month, I’ll be on this website talking about the draft. In October, we’ll be discussing the new Predators’ season with nary a thought of these past few days. But in a way, they changed everyone in this town. We now know that that it can happen to us…but also know that we can handle it.
Because we are Nashville.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Flat Women Need Love, Too (on real women having curves)

I’ve been thinking about this. You hear all the time “Real women have curves” and “No one wants to be with someone with the body of a prepubescent boy!” and all this stuff in response to society (and mainly fashion)’s typical depiction of beauty, but riddle me this:
Since I don’t have any curves, to speak of (and I really don’t), am I not a real woman? Because it’s not that I wouldn’t love to know what it’s like to have to wear a bra— and believe me, if those of you out there with breasts think it’s annoying to have guys stare at them all the time, try having never known what that feels like at all.
And I don’t really have a butt, either. (This is the part where everyone looks around, confused because I’m a black girl.) No. I mean, I’ve got a little something, but it’s more like “some stuff in the hatchback” vs. “junk in the trunk.”

I’ll break it down.

I’m 5’8.5”/1.74m (pretty tall, but not a giant)
I weigh 125lbs/56.7kg (fairly thin, small framed)
my stats are chest:34”(A cup); waist:24”; hips: 35”
I have always, for the most part been tall and skinny. There were some times in my life where that was less of the case, perhaps, but for the most part…

Enough for me to earn the nickname “Mopstick” while my tall, skinny friend Amanda Petty was called “Broomstick” in middle school (as if those years weren’t awkward enough). Enough for my dad to still joke around that I’m “six o’clock. Get it?  Straight up and down.” Enough for any conversation I participate in to almost always end in “…but you don’t have to deal with that.” And I don’t mind, because I don’t have to deal with it. That’s true. I don’t have to worry about back problems, or if they’re going to look saggy, or if they’re going properly secured in my dress or top. It’s actually sort of nice.

I mean,  I can literally wear a headband bandeau and people don’t sit in wait for a wardrobe malfunction. So…I guess what I’m saying is, there are perks to being small-chested. And even though I’m not build like Marilyn and my hips aren’t “child-bearing” doesn’t mean I’m not a real woman. I’m just a flat one.
Now, I’m okay with this. I love my body. I used to joke to Brandon that he should buy me breast implants (and I think he probably would have, even though that kind of thing goes against everything he stands for) but it kinda goes against what I stand for, too.
I love my bones.
Keep your mountains. I’m fine with my hills.

And wasn’t it Rob Machado (god, I love him.) who said “There’s still a lot you can do on a four-foot wave.” And even though he was talking about surfing, not expecting to go some exotic place and riding huge swells and not boobs, the principle is the same.
Plus, my parents always tell me if I have kids a lot of that will change.

image
you can kinda see what I mean here. This is from an editorial shoot I did with Rohan last year, when I was a little bigger.
image
and this is from Chris of Villager Art this past February.
But, I mean, that’s my body.
And I love it.
Even if it’s not curvy.

I'm definitely still a real woman, though.
Just saying.

Friday, April 30, 2010

on bad ideas

I've said before, I don't go around offering unsolicited advice to people about things. I would be a bad move, on my part because I know that I don't know shit and I would just be willingly leading a bunch of people to doom or failure. No thanks. I don't need that on my conscience.

Now, when someone asks my opinion or advice, I'll do the best I can. But I can really only do so much.

And I'm not even trying to imply that I feel, in some way, that you are obligated to take my advice. That's not it. But if you're going to go through the trouble of asking for it, at least consider it.

But ultimately, you know when something is a bad idea. You feel it almost instantly. Don't pretend you don't. We all get that feeling. Whether its our conscience, logic, God, whatever-- we all have it. Listen to it sometimes. See if things start to look a little different to you.



Remember The Animaniacs? If you're from my generation, you do.

"It's time for another good idea/bad idea"

good idea: Going out with friends. Smiling, having a good time, being friendly, dancing, meeting people.
bad idea: going out with friends. Blowing coke in the bathroom at Wendy's, then some guy in the bathroom at the CHARITY FUNCTION you're attending Trying to dance on a table at a coffee shop and giving a married man your phone number. Especially if you're married, too....just as an example.

Seeeeee?

And I'm not judging, because I recognize that there are a lot of various things people find to be "fun" but there are certain places, for instance, where certain unacceptable behavior is even less acceptable. But that would be over-the-top for anyone, right? Even the self-proclaimed "party girl."

these mfs are cray-cray.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

a bone to pick

Now, I love a good music & fashion festival as much as the next guy, but I've got a bone to pick with my colleagues and peers here in Nashville during this year's Naked Without Us Festival. Last night, there were festivities to take place at everyone's favorite Exit/In with a lot of exciting things on the schedule of events including a performance of Armed Forces, a pretty good local powerpop-type rock band.

Now, before I say anything else, I've got to point out that I really do like all these people. I don't know everyone personally, but everyone involved in this little tiff seems pretty cool on a day-to-day. I dig the band. I completely get what they were doing with their set (which was very experimental and very rock and roll...you know) and I really like and appreciate all the NWU staff and coordinators. They've been great people to work with in the past and I really can say I've never had even one bad experience with anyone, so I think it's fair to call me impartial.

First, read this Nashville Cream article in The Nashville Scene about the band (Armed Forces) getting booted from the stage (and the venue) 3 songs into their 5 song set.

The thing is, after the initial drama and after Chancellor Warhol (of the N.O.B.O.T.S) took the stage to finish the set, everything seems to have kept escalating and all of a sudden, we're calling each other names on Twitter.

Now, here's the thing. This whole thing is totally he-said/she-said. Completely. Everyone who was there has a different version of what happened and I'm sure they all have some version of true events

BUT GET OVER IT AND LET'S MOVE ON TO ANOTHER GREAT NIGHT OF MUSIC AND FASHION!

Don't bitch about the festival, don't bitch about the band, don't bitch about the fashion scene or the music scene, don't bitch about what happened. Get over it, make your clothes or your music and go on about your day. And quit trying to get me to take some kind of stand, because this is NOT my deal. I love you guys, but my opinion of said events is irrelevant.

Because some of us aren't into this high school shit.
and none of us are in high school anymore.

What happened to "All You Need Is Love?"

Now that I'm done scolding. That shit was crazy. Right?!?

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

it ain't me, babe: the threesome story.

This is real. For the sake of anonymity, I've redacted anything incriminating (plus, I'm not a bitch) but this shit's real.

Look, I'm not saying I'm not all for sexual liberation and exploration and blah, blah, blah because frankly, who you're banging and how you're banging them is of no concern to me. As long as everybody involved is into it, go for it, I say. BUT, this is probably the strangest thing that's happened to me in a while, so I feel like I've got to tell someone.

YOU! The fateful reader.

But I should probably just show you, instead.
 
(click on the photo to read)


And I am flattered a little. Is that weird? She did call me hot, afterall. And not to mention, it's not everyday someone you barely know thinks you're cool enough to share their person with. I doubt there's anyone in the world I would think is cool enough who isn't a wildly gorgeous supermodel-type. That's for sure. Call me selfish or whatever, but there's no fucking way. I mean, I'm not going to do it, because that sort of thing isn't my deal (in case you were wondering, although by now you should know me well enough).  And at least it's not insulting, like "we'd be willing to offer you X amount of money." Plus, I'm in love (yep. them's the facts) and you can't go around having threesomes when you're in love with someone. At least not the way I see it.

Personally, I'm of the mindset that intimate dealings are sacred and should be carried as such. And anyway, I'm too tired from working all the time to even have the energy to go out and party and bang a bunch of randos. Ha! I feel like I just got to a place where I'm proud of myself and the way I'm behaving like an adult with mature emotions and thoughts. The last thing I need to do is weigh down this newfound enlightenment with a string of meaningless hookups.

Who needs that baggage when there's already so much to carry?

So, that's my threesome story. Sorry if you were hoping to hear about one happening. I'll write you a fictional story about it upon special request.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

the Devil collects it with a grin.

Tonight, I am reminiscent of the pillow scars you got sometimes. Seeing you asleep always made me fall half in love. I can't help it. Sometimes, I have to stop myself from reaching across space to try and touch you.

Ugh. You haven't even been away that long, and still I'm listening to Anthony Green cover "Unravel" by Bjork and thinking "Oh, shit. Not again. Oh, please. Not again. Oh, God. Not again." and feeling like...

While you are away,
my heart comes undone.
It slowly unravels, like a ball of yarn.
the Devil collects it with a grin...
our love, in a ball of yarn.
He'll never return it.
Never return it.
So when you come back, we'll have to make new love.

If I were anyone but me, I'd be so annoyed with my bullshit right now.

INSTEAD, let's  look at some more photos from my shoot with Christie.
Bruce was our photog, Sarah King was the MUA and we played around with both ends of the spectrum.

It's a Night and Day situation.




See?
Night &Day















Day & Night


Monday, April 19, 2010

if we really are all alone, at least we're together in that.

Some days, life is simple. I've been having insomnia lately and waking up early. I think if you were here that wouldn't be true. Every new person I talk to has a corresponding level of intimacy, as compared to you and I, you know what I mean? It seems like the people I meet barrel along and it's all exciting and adventurous at first and then something happens. I don't know. Everyone's attention span seems too short for me. Or maybe mine's too short for they who cannot seem to hold it. Maybe it is me, some. Maybe some things I do betray me to my constant nervousness or they sense within me my basic unworthiness. Who knows?

All of which is to say, no one touches you. My life is full of beautiful moments and sweet boys, but nobody even comes close. I can't believe how fucked up everything got, when you sit down and dissect it piece by piece. I miss you and I want you in my heart again. I want to be telling you secrets and stories, listening to your adventures, even if they get mundane over time. I want to be the one appreciating you, because we both know no one would like I would. And then, you make me so mad that I just want to scream and break things and say a lot of mean and terrible things I know I wouldn't mean. Weird how that's still so irrationally the case.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life, but I think it would be fuller with you in it. More interesting. More of an adventure. I know it would, because that's what its like when our powers combined.

I love you. I love you. I love you. And I hope you're learning a great deal and having a lot of amazing times.

I'm 23. A few years older now than when you met me, but so much older in so many ways. I think and say things like "I'm good at loving" and I have long conversations with boys and men, all of them wanting and offering. Then, I think about you and I feel like a total fool. Like I've been sliding along the surface, playing at something, staying in the shadows. But it wasn't just me, so at least there's that.

Because I am good at gesturing at love, but obviously terrified of the intensity that comes with.
So, if we really are all alone, at least we're together in that .

And still, I can feel you moving around in my brain. Yours is a stature I want to memorize.

If you were here, I would try and convince you to come under the covers with me. I'd try to block out everything in your arms or otherwise try and be a part of some romantic moment with you. A really good one. You know, the ones that can be few and far between but sear their way into your memory for the long-term. I would do everything in my power to shut off everything and everyone for just a little while to exist only where I want to be. It would never work out, but still I wish you were here to try and fail with. My brain aches with missing you.

I think I've probably said that before.

I am impossibly nostalgic right now. I am also nervous and excited at the prospect of seeing you again when we've both grown up some.

It's hard to reach out across such a humongous silence. And there's the consistent annoyance of these boys I see every day, people who want me when all I want to think about is you, wishing one of them was you because I'm so selfish and its easier on me.

Sometimes, warm days depress me. I feel like you of all people would understand this. It's like, if its cold or dreary, no one expects your life to be a Doublemint commercial, but how can you reconcile a shitty mood with a beautiful day?

Lately, I feel you pushing at me, in the corners of my mind like fingers through fabric.

I sort of hate it, because I don't really have the time to lament. I'm too busy to miss you like this, and yet...

here we are.

photo by Bruce Yonce
models: (me, left)Jenn and Christie(right)
MUA: Sarah King
4/18/2010

*with special thanks to Brenda Marlowe of House of Brejil Designs and Sascha Morello of Legacy Brand Clothing Co.

Guerilla Fashion: technically, i'm an independent contractor

Sometimes, when people ask what I do, I tell them I don't do anything. This is a lie, because I do a lot of things. What I mean when I say that is that I don't have a "regular" job, in the traditional sense. Right now, I'm working 3 places, plus lessons, classes, odds&ends.

I want you to know what I do. I'd like to give you a glimpse into my week. 

jobs
  • primarily, I am something of a caregiver. I have a 22 year old sister with fairly severe Cerebral Palsy (can't walk, talk, extremely limited use of motor skills/physical functionality). Because she has special needs, I have to learn about those needs and how to meet them. It's just me and her in total, for about 40 hours a week, give or take. It's cool, because I get to spend time hanging out with my sister (who even though it sounds cheesy, is my real, legit best friend) and who wouldn't want THAT job? It's also a constant-care situation, so it's exhausting to my frail little 23 year old body to lift her and carry her and stuff by the end of the week. I like it, though. And if I can't make it to the gym, at least I know my upper body is getting a workout. BECAUSE OF HER, I'm starting on my first ever attempt at a documentary project. It's going to be about families with special needs; how they accommodate & function, because I'm telling you, people get really creative. I've seen it. Hell, I've done it. (example: I'm working with designer Athena Rowe to create a line of eco-friendly drapes, coats, sweaters to cover wheelchairs)
  • nextly, I'm a fashion model. People literally pay me various sums of money to wear their clothes, makeup, jewelry, or hold their products. I am also paid to walk in a line showcasing the works of fashion designers. I'm oversimplifying here, but my job is having my picture taken, or looking good in something someone wants to show off. It's a pretty good situation, if you ask me. Lots of secondary and tertiary responsibilities come from this.

  1. fit model/"Model Muse" for Legacy Brand Clothing Co. F/W09;S/S10 (also sometimes office assistant, music chooser, garment lurk-througher)
  2. posing coach- people hire me to help their models pose comfortably and well at photo shoots. Sometimes, it's photographers, sometimes it's models, sometimes it's parents or the businesses who hire me, so I get to meet A LOT of different people in the fashion industry and it's cool to have some of my favorite photographers and boutiques as clients. 
  3. Creative Director, Nashville Fashion Collective. It's an organization with a focus on fashion philanthropy. Our goal is to use our common interest in fashion to impact the community in a positive way. 
  4. blogger. You knew that. SPEAKING OF: I've been invited to Pittsburgh for the fashion blogger's convention. It's during Lollapalooza but I think I mentioned that in my Bonnaroo post. (invited as a model and a blogger-- in 2 separate envelopes for some weird reason and I know how it sounds when I say I'm invited to a blogger's conference (gay) sounds. But as it turns out, the right people read this shit and it's actually not as gay as it sounds).  Sorry, Wanda Sykes. 
All of this combined is about 30 hours a week, some of which overlaps with my first job.
  • lastly, if it counts, I'm teaching yoga again. 5 hours a week (6am M-F) with Marka & Abby (the best trainers in Nashville, in my humble opinion).
And then, I'm taking French lessons, got boot camp, and am trying to still have a life. 

I'm failing at that last thing. Really badly.

But it's whatever. I shot yesterday with Bruce and the gorgeous and amazing Christie Bicsak with MUA Sarah King for the Collective. We even got booted from Union Station, which is always fun. Plus, Flying Saucer's right there and...it's the best bar in Nashville, if you ask me.

Guerilla fashion!!!

But what I really want is some Gonzo fashion. So, who wants to hook that up?

Dr. T.
one of the five people I want to meet in Heaven.




Friday, April 16, 2010

things to look forward to: bonnaroo 2010

Okay, we all love Bonnaroo It comes at the perfect time during festival season and it's usually a pretty great time. I'm going this year and I'm more excited than I've ever been. There have been some excellent acts at the 'roo, but there's something about this year. I still don't know who I'm going with, exactly, but I know I'm going. And it's nicethat it's so close. I always want to go to Coachella or Voodoo or Virgin, but they're always so hard to get to. Not Bonnaroo, it's perfect.

Also, Lollapalooza is looking quite amazing this year, too. I would go just to see American Bang (plus, Arcade Fire, The Strokes, Phoenix, Spoon, Eryka Badu, Minus the Bear, Rogue Wave, Wavves, Flosstradamus) but I"ll be in Pittburgh that week, so Chicago is obviously not going to happen. And Bonnaroo's lineup is more appealing to me. Not to mention, I'll get to see a few of the Lolla bands anyway (although The Strokes/Julian Casablancas is a very compelling arguement). I'm going to prove it by bigging all the bands I'm looking forward to seeing at Bonnaroo versus the above 10 at Lolla--and pointing out Phoenix who I REALLY want to see is playing both festivals.


  • Dave Matthews Band

  • Kings of Leon

  • Stevie Wonder

  • Jay-Z

  • Conan O'Brien

  • Tenacious D

  • Weezer

  • The Flaming Lips performing Dark Side of the Moon featuring Stardeath and White Dwarfs

  • The Dead Weather

  • Damian Marley and Nas

  • Phoenix

  • Norah Jones

  • Michael Franti and Spearhead

  • John Fogerty

  • Regina Spektor

  • Jimmy Cliff

  • Ween

  • LCD Soundsystem

  • The Avett Brothers

  • Thievery Corporation

  • Galactic 

  • Rise Against

  • Tori Amos

  • The National

  • Zac Brown Band

  • Les Claypool John Prine

  • Umphrey's McGee

  • The Black Keys

  • Steve Martin & the Steep Canyon Rangers

  • Jeff Beck

  • Dropkick Murphys

  • She & Him

  • Against Me!

  • Deadmau5

  • Daryl Hall & Chromeo

  • Jamey Johnson

  • Margaret Cho

  • Clutch

  • Bassnectar 

  • Kid Cudi

  • Aziz Ansari

  • The Disco Biscuits

  • Kris Kristofferson

  • Medeski Martin & Wood

  • Brandi Carlile

  • The 

  • Jeffrey Ross Roasts Bonnaroo

  • John Butler Trio

  • Ozomatli

  • GWAR

  • Dan Deacon Ensemble

  • Los Amigos Invisibles

  • JB Smoove

  • Tinariwen

  • Wale

  • Baaba Maal

  • The Melvins

  • The Gaslight Anthem

  • Miike Snow

  • The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

  • The Gossip

  • Greg Giraldo

  • Dr. Dog

  • They Might Be Giants

  • Punch Brothers featuring Chris Thile

  • Isis 

  • Blitzen Trapper

  • Blues Traveler

  • Aterciopelados

  • Miranda Lambert

  • Calexico

  • Gary Chardonnay

  • OK Go

  • Bo Burnham

  • Trombone Shorty & Orleans Avenue

  • Martin Sexton

  • Lotus

  • Doug Benson

  • Baroness

  • Dave Rawlings Machine

  • Mayer Hawthorne and the County

  • Nick Kroll

  • Japandroids

  • Jay Electronica

  • Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros

  • Ingrid Michaelson

  • The Dodos

  • Manchester Orchestra

  • The Temper Trap

  • Paul Scheer &Rob Huebel

  • Cross Canadian Ragweed

  • Circa Survive

  • Big Sam's Funky Nation

  • Carolina Chocolate Drops

  • Nortec Collective Presents: Bostich & Fussible

  • John Roberts

  • NEEDTOBREATHE

  • Tokyo Police Club

  • The Entrance Band

  • Rob Cantrell

  • Local Natives

  • Mumford & Sons

  • Rebelution

  • Baron Vaughn

  • Diane Birch

  • Monte Montgomery

  • Fanfarlo

  • Julia Nunes

  • The Postelles

  • Julian McCullough

  • Mexican Institute of Sound

  • Lucero

  • Here We Go Magic

  • Chelsea Peretti 

  • Hot Rize

  • Neon Indian

  • Bomba Estéreo 

  • B.O.B

  • Alyssa Bonagura

  • Angus & Julia Stone

  • Boy Crisis

  • Danny Barnes

  • Dawes

  • Elizabeth Cook

  • Elmwood

  • Everest 

  • Frank Turner

  • Frontier Ruckus

  • Harper Simon

  • Imelda May

  • Jessie Baylin

  • Jill Andrews

  • Joe Robinson

  • Jonathan Sexton & The Big Love Choir

  • Jonathan Tyler & the Northern Lights

  • Joshua James 

  • Kevin Devine

  • Lissie

  • Mike Posner

  • Morning Teleportation

  • Orgone

  • Paper Tongues

  • Red Cortez

  • Royal Bangs

  • Samantha Crain

  • Sarah Jarosz

  • Supagroup

  • Tamarama

  • Tiny Animals

  • The Bakerton Group

  • The Bridge

  • The Constellations

  • The Devil Makes Three

  • The Middle East

  • The Moondoggies

  • The RBC

  • The Young Veins

  • Truth & Salvage Co.

  • Warpaint




  • and that's more than 10 and closer to home. Are you going? I'd love to know!

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