I got some late night free therapy, which I sometimes need, and I want to share it with you. I don't know if you can gleam some sort of meaning or usefulness from this, but I hope you can. I did. I don't know what to say, other than it did something to me that I can't explain. I've been torturing myself lately...it's my least attractive quality, I think. Somewhere along the way that turns to worry and somewhere along the way my hopefulness turned to sadness, then bitterness, then anger, then vengeance. Then somewhere along the way, exacting vengeance gave excitement, somewhere along the way that excitement turned to pleasure, then to madness, then to pain. You see where I'm going with this? But I realized something along the way, too. I realized that I own it all and it's who I am. I'll take it.
Julian Casablancas gets it.
Go after him. Fuck! Don't sit there and wait. Don't even listen to me when I tell you it's stupid and a waste of time. What do I know? Go after him because that's what you should do if it's love. Don't ...wait for them to give you a sign because it might never come and then, you will never know.
There are people you might have loved had they gotten on the plane or run down the street after you or called you up drunk at 4am because they "cannot regret this" and you ALWAYS thought you would be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest. GO SCREAM IT and be with him in meaningful ways, because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is. That is raw and that is unguarded and that is YOU and that's all that is worth anything, really.
And if I make it out alive, I'll just be thrilled to be so lucky.