Wednesday, February 24, 2010

let's make believe that what's at stake here's more than just a reputation

I told you before I was working on a "Top Secret LOVE project" and I'm prepared to tell you a little bit about it now that it's very nearly complete, and because the entire mood of the project has shifted, and because I feel differently today than I did yesterday.

The project is a collection of "love letters" I've been writing for a long time now. I've written letters to people since I could write, and this is a project I've done variations of in the past, but this is the first attempt at 'love' letters. It's a compilation of things I would have said, if I could have said them. I use the phrase 'love letters' loosely, because they are, by no means all 'love letters' in the traditional sense, in any way other than because I love the person the project was conceptualized for.

Without giving too much away, I'd like to present you with an excerpt. Enjoy.

Is love just 'trust, respect, and admiration?' Trust is so easy. It takes nothing more than not minding being hurt. Respect is maybe the hardest of the three, but there is usually some aspect of any and everyone that you can respect. Admiration in the easiest. Who don't I admire? Even if it's just because they are so much more a wreck than I? So, all of the above is easy, but in the end, there just aren't many people I truly like. And there are even less people I feel like I could seriously talk to. But it turns out, maybe you are one of them...
The whole project isn't like that. The entirety of it spans the whole of the sweet, messy love affair I had with this one guy, both good and bad. Ups and downs. Hands and feet. It's the whole shebang from the nervous and giddy anticipation of the first real romantic connection to the sounding of the our chords of the Apocalypse we heard sounding off that our time was over. Since I loved this one like I've loved no other, I thought it might be nice...this gift.

Even when I'm really mad at him for making all the things we could have avoided happen, I still want him to have it. And even though I'm kind of nervous about spilling my guts to the page, at least I'm letting the page spill my guts to him.

I don't even really know why I'm blogging about this.

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