Friday, April 30, 2010

on bad ideas

I've said before, I don't go around offering unsolicited advice to people about things. I would be a bad move, on my part because I know that I don't know shit and I would just be willingly leading a bunch of people to doom or failure. No thanks. I don't need that on my conscience.

Now, when someone asks my opinion or advice, I'll do the best I can. But I can really only do so much.

And I'm not even trying to imply that I feel, in some way, that you are obligated to take my advice. That's not it. But if you're going to go through the trouble of asking for it, at least consider it.

But ultimately, you know when something is a bad idea. You feel it almost instantly. Don't pretend you don't. We all get that feeling. Whether its our conscience, logic, God, whatever-- we all have it. Listen to it sometimes. See if things start to look a little different to you.

Remember The Animaniacs? If you're from my generation, you do.

"It's time for another good idea/bad idea"

good idea: Going out with friends. Smiling, having a good time, being friendly, dancing, meeting people.
bad idea: going out with friends. Blowing coke in the bathroom at Wendy's, then some guy in the bathroom at the CHARITY FUNCTION you're attending Trying to dance on a table at a coffee shop and giving a married man your phone number. Especially if you're married, too....just as an example.


And I'm not judging, because I recognize that there are a lot of various things people find to be "fun" but there are certain places, for instance, where certain unacceptable behavior is even less acceptable. But that would be over-the-top for anyone, right? Even the self-proclaimed "party girl."

these mfs are cray-cray.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

a bone to pick

Now, I love a good music & fashion festival as much as the next guy, but I've got a bone to pick with my colleagues and peers here in Nashville during this year's Naked Without Us Festival. Last night, there were festivities to take place at everyone's favorite Exit/In with a lot of exciting things on the schedule of events including a performance of Armed Forces, a pretty good local powerpop-type rock band.

Now, before I say anything else, I've got to point out that I really do like all these people. I don't know everyone personally, but everyone involved in this little tiff seems pretty cool on a day-to-day. I dig the band. I completely get what they were doing with their set (which was very experimental and very rock and know) and I really like and appreciate all the NWU staff and coordinators. They've been great people to work with in the past and I really can say I've never had even one bad experience with anyone, so I think it's fair to call me impartial.

First, read this Nashville Cream article in The Nashville Scene about the band (Armed Forces) getting booted from the stage (and the venue) 3 songs into their 5 song set.

The thing is, after the initial drama and after Chancellor Warhol (of the N.O.B.O.T.S) took the stage to finish the set, everything seems to have kept escalating and all of a sudden, we're calling each other names on Twitter.

Now, here's the thing. This whole thing is totally he-said/she-said. Completely. Everyone who was there has a different version of what happened and I'm sure they all have some version of true events


Don't bitch about the festival, don't bitch about the band, don't bitch about the fashion scene or the music scene, don't bitch about what happened. Get over it, make your clothes or your music and go on about your day. And quit trying to get me to take some kind of stand, because this is NOT my deal. I love you guys, but my opinion of said events is irrelevant.

Because some of us aren't into this high school shit.
and none of us are in high school anymore.

What happened to "All You Need Is Love?"

Now that I'm done scolding. That shit was crazy. Right?!?

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

it ain't me, babe: the threesome story.

This is real. For the sake of anonymity, I've redacted anything incriminating (plus, I'm not a bitch) but this shit's real.

Look, I'm not saying I'm not all for sexual liberation and exploration and blah, blah, blah because frankly, who you're banging and how you're banging them is of no concern to me. As long as everybody involved is into it, go for it, I say. BUT, this is probably the strangest thing that's happened to me in a while, so I feel like I've got to tell someone.

YOU! The fateful reader.

But I should probably just show you, instead.
(click on the photo to read)

And I am flattered a little. Is that weird? She did call me hot, afterall. And not to mention, it's not everyday someone you barely know thinks you're cool enough to share their person with. I doubt there's anyone in the world I would think is cool enough who isn't a wildly gorgeous supermodel-type. That's for sure. Call me selfish or whatever, but there's no fucking way. I mean, I'm not going to do it, because that sort of thing isn't my deal (in case you were wondering, although by now you should know me well enough).  And at least it's not insulting, like "we'd be willing to offer you X amount of money." Plus, I'm in love (yep. them's the facts) and you can't go around having threesomes when you're in love with someone. At least not the way I see it.

Personally, I'm of the mindset that intimate dealings are sacred and should be carried as such. And anyway, I'm too tired from working all the time to even have the energy to go out and party and bang a bunch of randos. Ha! I feel like I just got to a place where I'm proud of myself and the way I'm behaving like an adult with mature emotions and thoughts. The last thing I need to do is weigh down this newfound enlightenment with a string of meaningless hookups.

Who needs that baggage when there's already so much to carry?

So, that's my threesome story. Sorry if you were hoping to hear about one happening. I'll write you a fictional story about it upon special request.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

the Devil collects it with a grin.

Tonight, I am reminiscent of the pillow scars you got sometimes. Seeing you asleep always made me fall half in love. I can't help it. Sometimes, I have to stop myself from reaching across space to try and touch you.

Ugh. You haven't even been away that long, and still I'm listening to Anthony Green cover "Unravel" by Bjork and thinking "Oh, shit. Not again. Oh, please. Not again. Oh, God. Not again." and feeling like...

While you are away,
my heart comes undone.
It slowly unravels, like a ball of yarn.
the Devil collects it with a grin...
our love, in a ball of yarn.
He'll never return it.
Never return it.
So when you come back, we'll have to make new love.

If I were anyone but me, I'd be so annoyed with my bullshit right now.

INSTEAD, let's  look at some more photos from my shoot with Christie.
Bruce was our photog, Sarah King was the MUA and we played around with both ends of the spectrum.

It's a Night and Day situation.

Night &Day

Day & Night

Monday, April 19, 2010

if we really are all alone, at least we're together in that.

Some days, life is simple. I've been having insomnia lately and waking up early. I think if you were here that wouldn't be true. Every new person I talk to has a corresponding level of intimacy, as compared to you and I, you know what I mean? It seems like the people I meet barrel along and it's all exciting and adventurous at first and then something happens. I don't know. Everyone's attention span seems too short for me. Or maybe mine's too short for they who cannot seem to hold it. Maybe it is me, some. Maybe some things I do betray me to my constant nervousness or they sense within me my basic unworthiness. Who knows?

All of which is to say, no one touches you. My life is full of beautiful moments and sweet boys, but nobody even comes close. I can't believe how fucked up everything got, when you sit down and dissect it piece by piece. I miss you and I want you in my heart again. I want to be telling you secrets and stories, listening to your adventures, even if they get mundane over time. I want to be the one appreciating you, because we both know no one would like I would. And then, you make me so mad that I just want to scream and break things and say a lot of mean and terrible things I know I wouldn't mean. Weird how that's still so irrationally the case.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life, but I think it would be fuller with you in it. More interesting. More of an adventure. I know it would, because that's what its like when our powers combined.

I love you. I love you. I love you. And I hope you're learning a great deal and having a lot of amazing times.

I'm 23. A few years older now than when you met me, but so much older in so many ways. I think and say things like "I'm good at loving" and I have long conversations with boys and men, all of them wanting and offering. Then, I think about you and I feel like a total fool. Like I've been sliding along the surface, playing at something, staying in the shadows. But it wasn't just me, so at least there's that.

Because I am good at gesturing at love, but obviously terrified of the intensity that comes with.
So, if we really are all alone, at least we're together in that .

And still, I can feel you moving around in my brain. Yours is a stature I want to memorize.

If you were here, I would try and convince you to come under the covers with me. I'd try to block out everything in your arms or otherwise try and be a part of some romantic moment with you. A really good one. You know, the ones that can be few and far between but sear their way into your memory for the long-term. I would do everything in my power to shut off everything and everyone for just a little while to exist only where I want to be. It would never work out, but still I wish you were here to try and fail with. My brain aches with missing you.

I think I've probably said that before.

I am impossibly nostalgic right now. I am also nervous and excited at the prospect of seeing you again when we've both grown up some.

It's hard to reach out across such a humongous silence. And there's the consistent annoyance of these boys I see every day, people who want me when all I want to think about is you, wishing one of them was you because I'm so selfish and its easier on me.

Sometimes, warm days depress me. I feel like you of all people would understand this. It's like, if its cold or dreary, no one expects your life to be a Doublemint commercial, but how can you reconcile a shitty mood with a beautiful day?

Lately, I feel you pushing at me, in the corners of my mind like fingers through fabric.

I sort of hate it, because I don't really have the time to lament. I'm too busy to miss you like this, and yet...

here we are.

photo by Bruce Yonce
models: (me, left)Jenn and Christie(right)
MUA: Sarah King

*with special thanks to Brenda Marlowe of House of Brejil Designs and Sascha Morello of Legacy Brand Clothing Co.

Guerilla Fashion: technically, i'm an independent contractor

Sometimes, when people ask what I do, I tell them I don't do anything. This is a lie, because I do a lot of things. What I mean when I say that is that I don't have a "regular" job, in the traditional sense. Right now, I'm working 3 places, plus lessons, classes, odds&ends.

I want you to know what I do. I'd like to give you a glimpse into my week. 

  • primarily, I am something of a caregiver. I have a 22 year old sister with fairly severe Cerebral Palsy (can't walk, talk, extremely limited use of motor skills/physical functionality). Because she has special needs, I have to learn about those needs and how to meet them. It's just me and her in total, for about 40 hours a week, give or take. It's cool, because I get to spend time hanging out with my sister (who even though it sounds cheesy, is my real, legit best friend) and who wouldn't want THAT job? It's also a constant-care situation, so it's exhausting to my frail little 23 year old body to lift her and carry her and stuff by the end of the week. I like it, though. And if I can't make it to the gym, at least I know my upper body is getting a workout. BECAUSE OF HER, I'm starting on my first ever attempt at a documentary project. It's going to be about families with special needs; how they accommodate & function, because I'm telling you, people get really creative. I've seen it. Hell, I've done it. (example: I'm working with designer Athena Rowe to create a line of eco-friendly drapes, coats, sweaters to cover wheelchairs)
  • nextly, I'm a fashion model. People literally pay me various sums of money to wear their clothes, makeup, jewelry, or hold their products. I am also paid to walk in a line showcasing the works of fashion designers. I'm oversimplifying here, but my job is having my picture taken, or looking good in something someone wants to show off. It's a pretty good situation, if you ask me. Lots of secondary and tertiary responsibilities come from this.

  1. fit model/"Model Muse" for Legacy Brand Clothing Co. F/W09;S/S10 (also sometimes office assistant, music chooser, garment lurk-througher)
  2. posing coach- people hire me to help their models pose comfortably and well at photo shoots. Sometimes, it's photographers, sometimes it's models, sometimes it's parents or the businesses who hire me, so I get to meet A LOT of different people in the fashion industry and it's cool to have some of my favorite photographers and boutiques as clients. 
  3. Creative Director, Nashville Fashion Collective. It's an organization with a focus on fashion philanthropy. Our goal is to use our common interest in fashion to impact the community in a positive way. 
  4. blogger. You knew that. SPEAKING OF: I've been invited to Pittsburgh for the fashion blogger's convention. It's during Lollapalooza but I think I mentioned that in my Bonnaroo post. (invited as a model and a blogger-- in 2 separate envelopes for some weird reason and I know how it sounds when I say I'm invited to a blogger's conference (gay) sounds. But as it turns out, the right people read this shit and it's actually not as gay as it sounds).  Sorry, Wanda Sykes. 
All of this combined is about 30 hours a week, some of which overlaps with my first job.
  • lastly, if it counts, I'm teaching yoga again. 5 hours a week (6am M-F) with Marka & Abby (the best trainers in Nashville, in my humble opinion).
And then, I'm taking French lessons, got boot camp, and am trying to still have a life. 

I'm failing at that last thing. Really badly.

But it's whatever. I shot yesterday with Bruce and the gorgeous and amazing Christie Bicsak with MUA Sarah King for the Collective. We even got booted from Union Station, which is always fun. Plus, Flying Saucer's right there's the best bar in Nashville, if you ask me.

Guerilla fashion!!!

But what I really want is some Gonzo fashion. So, who wants to hook that up?

Dr. T.
one of the five people I want to meet in Heaven.

Friday, April 16, 2010

things to look forward to: bonnaroo 2010

Okay, we all love Bonnaroo It comes at the perfect time during festival season and it's usually a pretty great time. I'm going this year and I'm more excited than I've ever been. There have been some excellent acts at the 'roo, but there's something about this year. I still don't know who I'm going with, exactly, but I know I'm going. And it's nicethat it's so close. I always want to go to Coachella or Voodoo or Virgin, but they're always so hard to get to. Not Bonnaroo, it's perfect.

Also, Lollapalooza is looking quite amazing this year, too. I would go just to see American Bang (plus, Arcade Fire, The Strokes, Phoenix, Spoon, Eryka Badu, Minus the Bear, Rogue Wave, Wavves, Flosstradamus) but I"ll be in Pittburgh that week, so Chicago is obviously not going to happen. And Bonnaroo's lineup is more appealing to me. Not to mention, I'll get to see a few of the Lolla bands anyway (although The Strokes/Julian Casablancas is a very compelling arguement). I'm going to prove it by bigging all the bands I'm looking forward to seeing at Bonnaroo versus the above 10 at Lolla--and pointing out Phoenix who I REALLY want to see is playing both festivals.

  • Dave Matthews Band

  • Kings of Leon

  • Stevie Wonder

  • Jay-Z

  • Conan O'Brien

  • Tenacious D

  • Weezer

  • The Flaming Lips performing Dark Side of the Moon featuring Stardeath and White Dwarfs

  • The Dead Weather

  • Damian Marley and Nas

  • Phoenix

  • Norah Jones

  • Michael Franti and Spearhead

  • John Fogerty

  • Regina Spektor

  • Jimmy Cliff

  • Ween

  • LCD Soundsystem

  • The Avett Brothers

  • Thievery Corporation

  • Galactic 

  • Rise Against

  • Tori Amos

  • The National

  • Zac Brown Band

  • Les Claypool John Prine

  • Umphrey's McGee

  • The Black Keys

  • Steve Martin & the Steep Canyon Rangers

  • Jeff Beck

  • Dropkick Murphys

  • She & Him

  • Against Me!

  • Deadmau5

  • Daryl Hall & Chromeo

  • Jamey Johnson

  • Margaret Cho

  • Clutch

  • Bassnectar 

  • Kid Cudi

  • Aziz Ansari

  • The Disco Biscuits

  • Kris Kristofferson

  • Medeski Martin & Wood

  • Brandi Carlile

  • The 

  • Jeffrey Ross Roasts Bonnaroo

  • John Butler Trio

  • Ozomatli

  • GWAR

  • Dan Deacon Ensemble

  • Los Amigos Invisibles

  • JB Smoove

  • Tinariwen

  • Wale

  • Baaba Maal

  • The Melvins

  • The Gaslight Anthem

  • Miike Snow

  • The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

  • The Gossip

  • Greg Giraldo

  • Dr. Dog

  • They Might Be Giants

  • Punch Brothers featuring Chris Thile

  • Isis 

  • Blitzen Trapper

  • Blues Traveler

  • Aterciopelados

  • Miranda Lambert

  • Calexico

  • Gary Chardonnay

  • OK Go

  • Bo Burnham

  • Trombone Shorty & Orleans Avenue

  • Martin Sexton

  • Lotus

  • Doug Benson

  • Baroness

  • Dave Rawlings Machine

  • Mayer Hawthorne and the County

  • Nick Kroll

  • Japandroids

  • Jay Electronica

  • Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros

  • Ingrid Michaelson

  • The Dodos

  • Manchester Orchestra

  • The Temper Trap

  • Paul Scheer &Rob Huebel

  • Cross Canadian Ragweed

  • Circa Survive

  • Big Sam's Funky Nation

  • Carolina Chocolate Drops

  • Nortec Collective Presents: Bostich & Fussible

  • John Roberts


  • Tokyo Police Club

  • The Entrance Band

  • Rob Cantrell

  • Local Natives

  • Mumford & Sons

  • Rebelution

  • Baron Vaughn

  • Diane Birch

  • Monte Montgomery

  • Fanfarlo

  • Julia Nunes

  • The Postelles

  • Julian McCullough

  • Mexican Institute of Sound

  • Lucero

  • Here We Go Magic

  • Chelsea Peretti 

  • Hot Rize

  • Neon Indian

  • Bomba Estéreo 

  • B.O.B

  • Alyssa Bonagura

  • Angus & Julia Stone

  • Boy Crisis

  • Danny Barnes

  • Dawes

  • Elizabeth Cook

  • Elmwood

  • Everest 

  • Frank Turner

  • Frontier Ruckus

  • Harper Simon

  • Imelda May

  • Jessie Baylin

  • Jill Andrews

  • Joe Robinson

  • Jonathan Sexton & The Big Love Choir

  • Jonathan Tyler & the Northern Lights

  • Joshua James 

  • Kevin Devine

  • Lissie

  • Mike Posner

  • Morning Teleportation

  • Orgone

  • Paper Tongues

  • Red Cortez

  • Royal Bangs

  • Samantha Crain

  • Sarah Jarosz

  • Supagroup

  • Tamarama

  • Tiny Animals

  • The Bakerton Group

  • The Bridge

  • The Constellations

  • The Devil Makes Three

  • The Middle East

  • The Moondoggies

  • The RBC

  • The Young Veins

  • Truth & Salvage Co.

  • Warpaint

  • and that's more than 10 and closer to home. Are you going? I'd love to know!


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